Tag Archives: immaculate conception

Week 25: Lady Gaga – Born This Way

3 Feb

 

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Baby Gaga is not just a clever name you know. Well you’d better know, because it’s flatly unoriginal and if there wasn’t a story behind it then I would expect to lose at least 50 cool points for bandying it about like I know what’s up.

Baby Gaga was the Immaculate Conception of Gaga. He was a Born This Way tour miracle baby. And no, this isn’t a story about my rock n roll sex life. It’s the tale of two peesticks that I still have tucked away in my drawer.

On the 8th September I went to my first ever big pop concert, at Twickenham, to see the legend in her own time that is Lady Gaga. Before I went I POAS (that’s Pissed On A Stick for anyone unused to fertility forum acronyms), just in case, as I knew I’d be having a few jars of warm, overpriced stadium wine. I say just in case, I was actually for the first time in my life pretty sure that something was up with my body. I felt strange and puffy. My boobs were not my own boobs anymore. I’d even left my husband’s birthday card unsealed because I had this sneaky suspicion that Perhaps It Had Finally Worked and maybe I could write it in as a surprise. But the stick said no. Fate sealed, card sealed, London bound.

So I went, I danced all night with my friends and a lot of well-styled men and teenage girls in fancy dress, and it was amazing and transformative and ace. Mere days later I was about to start my next round of treatment and the man at the clinic told me I really ought to POAS again before I started taking the Crazy Drugs, and I thought “pah”, and then I POAS anyway and there were the little two lines. There they were. With nothing to have prompted the change but a transcendental pop experience.

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Peestick 1 (below)= BG (Before Gaga), Peestick 2 (above)= AG (After Gaga).

You can infer anything you like, but I’m pretty sure it was the ICOG. The Immaculate Conception Of Gaga. What you can definitely be sure of is that I took a picture of two things I weed on and now I have posted that picture onto the internet.

This week Gaga is definitely reacting to sounds, and he is particularly loving this Gaga record. Maybe it’s the big fat beats, maybe it’s because I just play it really fucking loud but he starts dancing when I switch it on and he doesn’t stop til I switch it off. This is all more proof in the pudding, if you ask me. If he’s born wearing spangly hotpants and with a lightning bolt over one eye, I will know for sure.

Side-note: I have JUST THIS SECOND realised why Madonna’s Immaculate Collection is called the Immaculate Collection. Baby JESUS!

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